Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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