i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
