We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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