Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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