I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
