We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
