I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
