That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
