I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
