Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
