whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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