I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
