is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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