Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
