dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
