the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
