dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
