is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
