Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
