I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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