youre lurking in front of me
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
