I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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