Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
where are my eyebrows?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
