id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
