my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
