How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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