He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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