Cold hands, warm shart.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize