My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
