i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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