you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
