my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
