But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize