peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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