we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
