yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
