And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
