She said her name was "party"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
