Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You left your phone here
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