I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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