I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
