i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
