woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
