I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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