I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
