I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
