I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
