ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
