why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
