called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
