She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
