help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
