why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
