I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
