There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
