I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
