You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
