i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
