So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
