She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
