Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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