It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
