Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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