One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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