the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
