I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
