Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Randomize
