and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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