a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
