**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
