can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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