Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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