The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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