I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Randomize
