does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
