were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize