my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
