I've blown a few things in my day
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
