Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
